Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Silence Broken...there really is a baby in there!

I can't remember the last time I posted. I know I was already starting to get sick and it felt like I was saying good-bye for awhile. I hated it. I haven't felt like myself at all this whole time. It was hard to not know what was going on with you all and I missed sharing my life too. Suddenly my life seemed too pathetic to commit to writing. Who wants to hear about how I laid on the couch all day and managed to eat a plain eggo waffle. Not exactly the motivating or even interesting fodder we normally turn to each other for. But even though not much has changed in my life, and I still get oddly car sick being on the computer, I just felt the need to reach out and see if anyone was still there!

I guess, today, the reason for all the pain in my gut, the sleepless nights, and dizziness in my every movement was brought to light. At 17 weeks and 3 days, I finally had my first apt. at the OB and I got to hear that rapid thump thumping that lets you know it isn't a really bad stomach flu. I never get very emotional at these things, but it is a relief to know I am growing a baby, not just a gut, and they are seemingly healthy. I have even been feeling it move a lot lately. Quite the mover and shaker, the nurse said. And best of all, it sounded like a girl! K, maybe not really but according to old wives tale, a fast heart beat means girl, and this one's was pumping.

I wish I could say that I am a stronger person and haven't felt sorry for myself at all during this, but then my pants would be on fire. It was hard to miss out on Thanksgiving and Christmas, not being able to eat or play like I normally do. Then there is the lack of running or biking. I miss it, and crave it at times. Hearing about all the fun others are having with it, and the plans they are making just gets me. And I miss the outside world, heck, I miss chores! But, on days when I get really down or frustrated I remember all those people working so hard to keep my family operating as smoothly as usual. My sisters and Mom have shuttled Peyton to school and therapy appointments since driving makes me too sick. Erica even rescues me some mornings and takes the boys so I can try to get some of my missed sleep. Our church is even bringing Jesse meals once a week so he gets some nutrition.

But, my biggest hero right now is my Track Coach, my best friend, my husband, Jesse. That poor guy has been working himself to the bone. He comes home after a full day at work then cooks, cleans, folds laundry, takes care of the boys, and tries to make me as comfortable as possible. I know he must be exhausted, but he doesn't complain. It's only recently that he has even had time to start working out again. I love him and I will try to repay him with a really cute baby.

So, this was much longer then intended and I feel like I still have a lot to say which surprises me. I thought I was tapped out, but most of it is like this, random spouting. Nothing concrete or useful. More for myself and historical record than anything. Sorry. I will try to return with full gusto soon. Eventually, this carsick feeling will pass and I hope to hit, at least the treadmill, soon. Hope you all are well, and I miss you so! Thank you so much to those of you who have sent such sweet emails checking up on us and for thinking of us. You don't know how much it has helped me over these last months!

Adorable Rounded Belly Wife (Tressa)