That's what we always say to the kiddies when we are chasing them around. It is usually an easy task for us to be able to catch them, but we hold back to make it a better game. Not putting in your full effort, having fun, and eventually accomplishing your task (we always catch them!) is a great combo. My life is nothing like that right now. I fully plan on accomplishing this task, if this baby doesn't come out we will have some serious issues, but it isn't a lot of fun and it seems to take all my effort. But now, as the due date creeps nearer I find myself being able to see past this temporary disability. People suffer through injuries all the time, and they don't end up with a baby in the end. I know I need to be more grateful for my situation, I just struggle with it when I feel like I am burdening others and missing out on doing everything myself.
Then, this morning I read Mel or Tall Mom's post on envy to inspiration. To be honest, I have felt lots of running envy over the past months. When I first got pregnant it was getting too hard to read about other's plans and accomplishments, because I wasn't a participating member of the club. It wasn't even like I could write about my recovery from an injury. Unless you wanted to hear about my upchuck reflexes and what was good to watch on tv, I had little to share with you. So to shield myself from the disappointment, I backed out of this world for a while, taking a full break. I didn't write, I didn't read. Sometimes I still couldn't get away from it. My husband was still training for a marathon that I was also supposed to be running, with lots of friends too, and there was no way not to hear about it. But as I felt more envious that I wasn't running and more left out because I wasn't currently a runner, I decided to just throw myself into the race and make myself as visible and helpful as possible. Jesse still doesn't want me to go, but I am working on coaxing the baby out by the 17th of June so I should be more mobile come race day. Our hotel is booked and now a friend might run in my place, which means I have to go up there to get my stuff.
All of this began to make me feel better and I started looking ahead. Soon the call of the bloggy world was too much. The past few days I have found myself lurking around, reading, and sometimes even commenting, testing the waters I guess, to see if I still have a place here. And this is when I read Mel's post. I commented about how I have been feeling envious, even now, and that I just want to be out on the road too. She was sweet enough to write me back and remind me that I am pregnant. Not that I forgot, but she was saying that many others are envious of me, and right now my job is to bake this child and love it! So, with that advice I am going to focus not on me, but you guys. I want to relish in your races and celebrate your accomplishments, and even commiserate if you need it. I need to be able to be part of this world without lacing up my own sneakers. My day will come when I will catch you all (ok not really, but I will run at a decent pace behind you) and my blog will once again be full of sweaty photos, race recaps, and happy posts. Of course, there will also be the occasional photo of a little baby way too overdressed for whatever occasion causes me to snap her picture! Till then, I will be planning out my race schedule, keeping you updated on Coach, giving shout outs to my fellow bloggers, and keeping you all on baby watch. Thanks to those of you who have supported me and family, and to those who still believe there is an adorable running wife under this belly! Now I wan't to catch back up with you all.