Thursday, November 4, 2010

Conflicted

I am not the me I was a few months ago and it is killing me. It is not easy for any athlete to be injured, the sidelines is not where we like to play. I am finding it particularly frustrating because I feel like the running and biking was really helping me to get a handle on my depression. For the first time in years, the old me was able to surface and breath. All those endorphins helped to set her free. Now, she is feeling trapped again. Luckily, the Holidays are here and I am like a giddy kid. Nothing can distract me like Christmas. I have been shopping the last three days, and have already started decorating. There is plenty to keep my mind and hands busy with all the chocolate making, present wrapping, decorating, family visiting, but at night, though I am exhausted, I still feel incomplete. My computer sits in the corner untouched. No data to enter. No quippy posts to do. I feel like a fraud. How can I be a part of this world when I am contributing nothing. Not a real drop of sweat has been shed and my workouts consist of cornmazes and light hanging.

Of course here is a guy who should be
 sitting on the bench! Sorry, Favre lovers!
Who wants to be my friend now? Listening to someone talk about mystery injuries is only interesting never for so long. I mean I can only bribe you guys with giveaways for so long (which luckily I still have quite a few more!) but even money and gifts can't buy love right? I wish I had a plan. The only plan right now, don't do anything till I meet with the doc on Tuesday for fear of causing irreveresible damage to my joints which happens a lot with long term lyme patients. But I am tired of letting the rest of me deterioate like last weeks pumpkins. I am going to be old, and shrively and moldy in no time! What do I do? Dissapear into the night like a great dream, only a memory for now, maybe to return someday? Let Coach takeover, though he is notoriously bad about posting? I hate feeling like I can't be with you guys right now. So my new plan is to make a plan. I am going to set some goals that my current crap bod can handle. Then I will post them, and hopefully you all can help me stick to them. They will be small and seem like nothing I'm sure, but I have to do something! That way, when I finally get off the pine pony I will be that much more prepared. Let's just hope I don't have too many splinters!

21 comments:

Diana Tries-A-Tri! said...

1. You're just as productive as a member of the 'community' by supporting others, giving us stuff, and commenting on our blog (and complimenting our tights) :)
2. You will get off the pine pony soon, when your body is ready for it, and you will know your mind is too
3. Even if it's not as soon as you want, we still like hearing from you
4. Brett Favre sucks
5. I heart Adorable Wife

Kovas Palubinskas said...

I think we're all just here for the giveaways anyway. :)

Jess @ Blonde Ponytail said...

Cheering for you! I appreciate your honesty and think the blogging community is here to support. I guess giveaways are a nice bonus, but it's the stories I enjoy most!

(Just) Trying is for Little Girls said...

I hope the doc has good news on Tuesday. Come on over and try to win my giveaway! It'll make you smile!

Colleen said...

((HUGS))

LaVonne said...

I feel your pain. I have been injured for 6 months and have turned into a crabby, depressed b*$%h. No one wants to be around me! I can't even stand myself!

The number one thing I pledge to do to help me feel better? Stay off of Facebook. I get really depressed reading about all the fun runs and bike rides my friends are doing. Yeah they PR'd! Yeah they went for a great ride in the sun. Boo for me. Who wants to join my pity party?

Good luck to you...and please post any words of wisdom for happiness you come up with!

Amanda@runninghood said...

This is the first time I've read your blog. I'm glad to find you. I can relate to your feelings about injury. I am just returning to running after a ocmplete tear of my hamstring (during my training for the Portland Marathon). I went through several weeks of real depression of the whole adjustment to not exercising and having my goals and hard work seem to run down the life drain. My non-friend runners didn't understand at all and thought that it was ridiculous that I would be depressed over such a thing considering I had so many wonderful blessings in my life. So frustrating. I'm so happy to be joining a community of runners through blogging...it makes me feel understood. :) Looking forward to some of your giveaways and maybe learning how to do it myself soon. :) Hang in there!
p.s. love your rotten pumpkin image...perfect example this time of year...I just removed our disgusting, moldy, melting jack-o-laterns from our porch...yuck!!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

First, we are all here because of a common interest. The endurance sport lifestyle. We all understand each other and what our lives entail and what we go through to each our goals. We are a different breed, it is tough to talk about our lifestyle to non-endurance people, we get weird looks and weirder comments because they dont know what to say. I remember when i first posted that I was dealing with depression, i was scared to death that I just let that out for the world to see. But now I am glad that I did, the support has been more then great. Blog as much or as little as you want, we will still be here for you.

Lesley @ racingitoff.com said...

Kovas needs a spanking for that comment. But it did make me giggle... runners do seem to like a good giveaway!

But alas, we're all still here checking your blog... cheering you on. I like posts about life and family just as much as how much pavement you pounded today.

Heather said...

YOu don't have to blog about sports. Blog about your decorating. I could use ideas.
Having said that...I am looking forward to hearing your new and I am sure creative goals.

Amber said...

Blog about your decorating :) I mix in whatever I feel :)

Anonymous said...

I love you Tressa!!!!

MOM

Laurie said...

Hang in there. You're not only a part of this whole "blogging community" I think you've come in and taken it by storm! Check you guys out 126 followers and I see your comments popping up all over the place! Injured or not, you are definitely not a fraud! Hang in there. I'll be hoping for happy news for you. :)

Laura B. Jog for Joubert Syndrome said...

i know EXACTLY how you feel on so many levels. when i wasnt able to workout properly, my depression began bubbling to the surface and eventually was back full force. ive been slowly adding running back in and the depression is getting better, but i still cant shake it. also on the blogging issue, i know how you feel. i felt like i wasnt contributing interesting content and felt my writing becoming stale. i still dont have the drive to blog right now, and i think im going to take an extended break.

btw, did you get the Gu and the book?

P said...

You know, the same way we all understand it when you talk about running and riding and racing, we all TOTALLY get it when you talk about being sidelined with injuries. Been there, done that. Let us support you when you're feeling low because we know you'd do the same for us!
I'm looking forward to hearing about your latest goals, and hoping for excellent news from your doc!

Kayla said...

You are allowed to blog about whatever your hear desires especially when you are injured! We will still read and comment! :)

I feel like I should comment on Brett Favre because I am from MN. I am not a lover or hater and I will admit I wanted him to come back this year...but you're right with all his injuries he should be done.

Chelsea said...

Hee, the comment from your mom is so adorable.


I'm trying to get back on the 'I have a plan' bandwagon too. It's so frustrating. And hard.

There's a good few of us out here that are injured, or coming back from being away. Document your plan. And recovery. And challenges. Would love to hear about that much more than people's marathons at this point. :)

Julie @ Hotlegs Runner said...

I agree with Jess. I'm here mainly for the stories, motivation and lessons =)

racing dawn said...

Chin up friend! We're not just hangin around to see the mileage totals. :) Us runners have our ups and downs just like any race course. Love running analogies. You'll get through this dip - and in the mean time, praying for good news on Tuesday!

Zaneta said...

you are awesome... seriously! keep your head up! Running isn't the only thing about you that people love... it's your personality, lessons, stories ... and the giveaways! (haha, I kid) but really, we're all here for you! :)

Adam said...

I know exactly what you mean. Have you started to hate seeing other people running while on the side of the road? I LOATHED those people when I was hurt. Bleh!!!!

But, you WILL come back eventually and will be stronger and more importantly smarter for the effort. Hang in there!